Are You Supposed to “Complete” the Stages of Grief? (Let’s Talk About It)
by Amanda Gibbons, LCSW-C, PMH-C
Restoring Heart & Home Therapy
There’s this quiet expectation floating in our culture — that grief is something we’re supposed to get over.
Maybe not right away. But eventually.
We’re taught that if we just move through all of the identified “stages of grief,” we’ll land somewhere peaceful and put-together on the other side.
But here’s the truth I share often in the therapy room:
Grief isn’t a race, and healing isn’t a checklist.
Where the 7 Stages of Grief Came From
When Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first introduced the 5 (later expanded to 7) stages of grief, they were meant to describe the emotional process of people facing their own terminal illness — not necessarily those grieving a loss.
Over time, the model was widely applied to all kinds of grief. And while it gave people language for their pain, it also unintentionally created a myth:
That grief is linear. That once you hit “acceptance,” you’re done.
But if you've ever felt okay one moment and shattered the next,
you know it doesn’t work like that.
Real Grief is Layered
You might feel acceptance one day, then loop back into anger or sadness the next.
You might feel relief and guilt in the same breath.
You might grieve someone who's still living —
or the version of yourself that no longer exists.
This is especially true in the kinds of grief that are often overlooked:
After giving birth, even to a healthy baby.
After miscarriage or traumatic birth.
After the loss of a beloved pet who was your anchor.
During major life transitions — like moving, graduating, or becoming a parent.
Grief shows up in more places than we give it credit for.
And it doesn’t follow a script.
Grief is Like the Ocean
One of the ways I explain grief in therapy is this: Grief is like the ocean.
Some moments, the water is calm.
You can breathe, function, even feel peace.
Other moments, the waves are crashing so hard you can’t catch your breath.
You’re tumbling. Disoriented. Overwhelmed.
And both of those moments — and everything in between — are valid.
You're not doing it wrong. You're just in the waves.
The Pressure to “Move On”
In our fast-paced world, grief often gets put on a timeline. You might hear:
“You’ve just got to stay strong.”
“You’re still upset about that?”
“Shouldn’t you be over it by now?”
But grief doesn’t disappear just because others are uncomfortable.
And it doesn’t need you to be stronger — it needs you to be supported.
That’s what therapy offers:
A place to breathe.
To feel what’s real.
To honor your grief, even when it’s messy, inconvenient,
or lingering longer than you thought it would.
What If You Don’t Have to “Complete” the Process?
What if grief is not something you finish…
…but something you learn to carry more gently?
As a therapist who works with grieving parents, postpartum mothers, and young adults in transition, I’ve learned this:
Grief isn’t a problem to fix. It’s an experience to witness, and a burden to share.
Whether you're grieving a loss others can’t see, or feeling like you're failing because you haven’t "moved on" — I want to gently remind you:
💚 You’re not behind. You’re human.
You’re Not Alone — and You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
At Restoring Heart & Home, I offer therapy rooted in compassion, story, and soul.
Whether through virtual sessions in PA and MD, nature-based therapy in Carroll County, or trauma-informed support after traumatic loss,
I’m here to hold space for your grief and your healing —
no matter what stage you’re in.
You don’t have to complete your grief to begin your healing.
Ready to take the next step?
📥 Click here to schedule a free consultation
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